11 April 2013

Am I a Pollyanna?

Do you think I'm a Pollyanna?

A person characterized by irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything.

Some people might read about our lives through the filter of my personality and at times they might wonder if I'm faking the happiness I share about my life.  I've never really thought about it until recently when the topic has come up in some of the new circles that we've become a part of due to Luke having Down syndrome.  No doubt life can be hard sometimes, but my personal philosophy is that it is what you make of it.  I don't want to be sad.  I don't want to be depressed.  I don't want to be angry.  That doesn't mean that I don't feel those emotions, but after I process them and usually once I'm able to get a plan, I typically choose to be happy.  

Last night I was sharing with a support group we attend that Luke will be having the sedated echo and possible heart cath next week and one of the girls asked me if I was scared.  Yes, I was really scared the first few days I knew he's be having it and I'm sure I'll be terrified next week, but for now I'm okay. From pretty early on in the beginning of this journey, I came to terms with the fact that God is in control of this ride.  As sure as I'm sitting here, I would choose for him to not have a heart defect.  But he does.  It's not going to change until he no longer has the heart defect and that won't happen until it's been repaired.  He will always be someone who had a congenital heart defect and there will be appointments with cardiology for the rest of his life.  

Am I a Pollyanna?  If you think it means someone who is out of touch with reality, I hope that's not me.  If you think it's someone who understands the severity of her situation and chose to open her eyes this morning and see through the rain and fog to witness the beauty of daffodils blooming or someone who looks at her child - one who some would call imperfect and sees perfection created by a loving God and bestowed upon two doting parents and an adoring big brother you're spot on!

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