Dare To Be Different

I grew up on a dairy farm where we had registered Jersey cattle (they are brown beauties who produce a milk rich in butterfat and protein).  In the world of dairy cattle, the Holstein breed (large black and white spotted girls who produce the largest volume per cow) is the most prevalent with the Jersey breed coming in second in terms of the size of the breed.  Registered breeders can be pretty passionate about their chosen breed and at times some breeders would talk down to me because of my love for Jerseys (my interest was so great that at one point in my life I was crowned the National Jersey Queen, however that was a very long time ago!)  While I was in school, my mom gave me a small print that had a drawing of nine cows - eight of them were Holsteins and one was a Jersey.  Across the bottom read the phrase "Dare to be Different".  From the time I was a teenager, I've always displayed this somewhere that I'd see it everyday to remind me to just be me.  For close to ten years it actually hung in my bathroom so I could look at it in the mornings before leaving for school / work.  I've always worked hard to live my life by that phrase... to have my own identity and to be okay with who I am. Unfortunately, at times I think I've lived that phrase to a fault and have let my pride get the best of me too.  That said, I think "Dare to be Different" has helped to prepare me to be Luke's mom (and for that matter, Matthew's too).  I will work to be the kind of mom who teaches her children self reliance and self confidence and hopefully they will both always be proud of who they are!

This morning I heard "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls on the radio as I drove through the sleet and rain to get to work and  it made me reflect on the love between parents and their children.  The first verse seemed to describe how I feel when I watch Luke sleeping and he's somewhere other than in my arms... the longing to touch and hold him can be overpowering sometimes.  It also makes me reflect on how I think I might feel if God forbid, he doesn't make it through his open heart surgery... one of my single biggest fears at this point in my life (and something that I work hard to not think about).  "And I'd give up forever to touch you / 'cause I know that you feel me somehow / You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be / and I don't want to go home right now / And all I can taste is this moment / and all I can breathe is your life / and sooner or later it's over / I just don't want to miss you tonight".

The chorus made me think about Luke when he's older and the type of vulnerability he might feel... something that I hope is combined with a sense of self worth... the chorus goes like this... "And I don't want the world to see me / 'cause I don't think that they'd understand / When everything's made to be broken / I just want you to know who I am".  I hope that society continues to embrace diversity and that Luke feels included in life as he grows older.  I also hope that he has the communication skills to share who he is with others. 
Deep thoughts for a Monday and at that one that started at 4:40 am with an unusually fussy baby!  (Luke has pretty faithfully slept through the night since he was 7 weeks old, so I won't hold this morning against him :)  Here's to having a blessed week!

"Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
and I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
and all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

Chorus:
And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your life
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you'd bleed just to know your alive

Chorus

Instrumental part

Chorus 2x

I just want you to know who I am 3x