Dustin pulled his 1985 Chevy pickup in the Wayne County Truck and Tractor Pull at the fairgrounds. Matthew was 9 months old and somehow I managed to get him to fall asleep wearing these bulky and somewhat un-stylish "Peltor Junior" earmuffs during the pull. While he was awake, he sat on the ground and crawled around in the dirt as he played with our friend's little boys and their miniature tractors. Our life was wonderful, but it didn't yet feel complete. Dustin and I both were hoping to eventually have another child (and maybe even more than just one.... someday). I will never forget while we were at the fairgrounds, one of Dustin's friends - also named Dustin or Dusty for short - jokingly asked me if I were ready for another baby. I told him YES! I was ready for another... although I was only being half serious - I did want another baby, but I was thinking that it would be a while before we'd be going down that road again. We attended an annual chicken dinner fundraiser and after sensing that something "wasn't right", I asked Dustin to stop on the way home so I could pick up a pregnancy test. Within an hour I learned that I was expecting another baby. We weren't really trying to have another child and we were shocked to say the least. The first thing I did when I read the positive result was laugh out of excitement and joy and within seconds, I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom in tears. Soon I was laughing again and then before I knew it, the tears were flowing. I felt like having another baby so soon would force us to miss out on the wonder of Matthew - that we'd be so focused on yet another child that we'd have less time to spend with our precious baby Matthew. At the same time, I was overjoyed at the prospect of growing our family - of giving Matthew a sibling, someone he could grow with - someone who he could argue with, wrestle with, play with, help and above all else, someone he would love.
It's hard to believe all that we've encountered in the last 365 days. Some days it's still hard to believe that I have a son with Down syndrome. It is definitely hard to believe that I have two children, I certainly don't feel old enough for that. Later this month, Dustin and I will be celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary and I don't feel old enough to have been married that long either. It's really amazing how life works, how two people can create another life and how the physical and mental aging process affects a being over time. It's just been a year, but I'm a different person than I was last May 4th. I may be older and I think I'm wiser, but I know I still have so much more to learn and experience.
For the rest of my life, I will always remember December 17, 2010 - the day we learned that we were expecting baby Matthew - the son who first filled my heart with so much love and joy and May 4, 2011, the day I learned that a heart already so full could stretch enough to give that same kind of love to a second baby, a boy who we would later name Luke... a baby who would change me in ways I never imagined possible. Life is so amazing and we are so deeply blessed!
Happy Mother's Day! You are an amazing mommy and you have a beautiful family!
ReplyDelete